When did love become a race? When did the earth become such a lonely place or so scary that we all decided to bump into as many people in hopes of meeting someone and finding love? With all the advertising and social pressure to find this person, this soul mate; we have lost the ability to be on our own. We do not know how to enjoy ourselves or even if we are worth being enjoyed.
There is some truth in that, if you do not know who you are or what you like, then how will you expose it to anyone else? It is ironic that there are thousands of books on building self-esteem and self-love that are written and television shows that makes millions on helping you find it, when really it is available immediately within you! We all know what makes us feel good, because our experiences in life teach us that.
We know what pulls us down because it’s like a familiar banner that runs through our minds every day, when we are tired, angry, lonely, or hungry (because your diet affects your mood)! We see it; listen to it like an obedient dog that has been trained to hear the negative self-talk and go as directed “Yes, I’m stupid”, “You are right I will never get her she is too good for me”, “Nothing I do is ever right”, “Who am I kidding this will never work.”
Yes, I know those lines too, I have said them more than I care to think about to myself. Why is it people do not see their full potential? Why are we not able to focus on ourselves for long enough to build love and trust in who we are? We as a community and not just Gay women, but society rely so much on what others think and how they behave towards us?
When I was younger (And still am in my own mind!) and lost everything; parents, home, and money I remember thinking what was I so afraid of all these years growing up? I remember the day when I sat on the floor and thought to myself I have lost everything, there is nothing left to be taken away except my life. My Life, not anyone else’s, it belongs to me! I realized everything I had lost was never mine to begin with. All this time I was living in a fake sense of control that if I pleased everyone and was fearful all the time then everything would turn out right.
It was not my choosing to be a homeless orphan, not exactly what I planned but it did happen just right! It was just as it was meant to be, because that was one of the many journey I would have to take. I was just in it for the ride and now it was over and a new one was about to begin!
It is wonderful to share those rides with others, and it definitely makes it worth the wait when it happens. However, there are times I believe we have to ride alone. We have to learn to embrace the moments that separate us from others so we can be in full contact with who we are. Your greatest lover, friend, companion, teacher, and pupil should be yourself.
There are dark parts of our soul and character that frighten us into not wanting to get know or even imagine they are there, having distraction in our lives constantly, such as addictions, people, work, etc… to an excess helps us stay away from those parts. It also slowly wears away the parts that makes us happy and are bright!
Living is about balance, look at our magical universe, how it moves, creates and interacts. Always in balance. Look now at our little blue world with it’s little people always moving, needing distraction, noises, and things. That’s why we have big holes in the ocean where thousands of living things will die and disappear from existence.
That example was on a global scale; now make it on an individual level. If you’re constantly hiding, avoiding, or distracting yourself from who you are or rejecting being with yourself- you are making holes! The more holes, the harder it is to feel self-worth and happiness. To love you, you must love all of you and that means even the “s--- bits” as I like to call them. In fact it’s those parts that need the most TLC and attention. They are the part of you as a child that did not get acknowledged or seen or were told to put away. It’s your time now, time to put some light in those areas of yourself and let them grow.
I will tell you a secret, well it’s not a secret anymore but still might be helpful. I used to lie all the time. It was automatic and without reason, someone could asked me if I had an apple that day and I would say “yes” but I hadn’t! Soon enough it caught up with me, and I wondered why the hell I was making up crap all the time. Well it was out of fear; I did not want to disappoint or not meet someone’s expectations so I lied. Now here is how I remedied my lying, I stopped cold turkey!
If someone got mad I dealt with it, in fact they would get more upset if I lied to them so I just started thinking at least this way I have the truth. In the beginning it was hard because I would catch myself out of habit saying things that weren’t true but then I would right away tell the person “I’m sorry, that wasn’t right I just lied to you, this is what happened.” It was so embarrassing that I soon stopped, but that part of me was a shameful place, my fear of others. Now I give her lots of love and I call that part “My little lost girl.”I make sure I hear her fears inside of me and validate them!
We have to create balance and that starts within. You are the Creator of your world, you are beautiful and wondrous and everything inside of you makes you unique. Your DNA is yours alone. Is that not enough for you to know that there is only one of you? Take a journey to create love for yourself, without external forces directing it. Ask yourself “What brought me to where I am today? Where do I want to go?” “Who is inside on me?” The journey to self-discovery does not have to be scary but it is an adventure!
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://facebook.com/AlexKarydi, YouTube.com/AlexKarydi
